Hi there!

It's me, jeebilus.

I don't know what you look like because this is just a humble webpage. Existing merely as something to be viewed, multiple pages that represent some amalgam of the life I lead may allow you to gain some idea of me regardless.

To me, the two-way anonymity we experience here is a sort of beauty. Everything in this world wants audience and performer to interact and influence: social media, work, school, et cetera.

I can't tailor what I put here to that which you would want to read, so I'm free to be myself.

If you feel some sort of connection, you can know that it is beyond that of physical appearance or social relations.

So often, we travel through life invisible to those we pass by, quiet and hiding our real selves.

Sometimes, that path is taken to not inconvenience those around us, or because it is better for ourselves as well.

People can be nasty, mean-spirited, and narcissistic.

Why open ourselves up to that from others? Why loosen our inhibition to becoming that ourselves?

It's not from a mental space of comparison or favor seeking that people can truly gain from interfacing with each other's ideas, but rather that of curiosity and internal criticism.

Finding out what the things you seek out and happen upon can indicate about your self, your environment, and how best to move forward to where you need to go.

In lieu of knowing anything about you, the reader, I will try my best to distill the important parts about me for your understanding, although it is more than likely unnecessary.

I was born in 2002 in the American Midwest suburban sprawl that contains each city in its nice little bubble, big enough to have everything you need but not everything you want.

Life passed me by easily, I did fine in school and hit every milestone except memorizing my times tables, but I was simply going through the motions.

I loved reading as a kid, every trip I was dragged along by my parents for I would have a book in hand and a mind ready to escape the ensuing boredom through its pages.

I played sports and tried every practice to get better, an exercise in putting effort in well before you can feel the reward.

It was all fine until I had to start choosing the course of my life by myself. I got into college and simply went down a path that was dictated by my talents and disposition, a solitary path sustained by an ego living off some delusion that my weaknesses were in fact choices towards becoming a sort of ascetic.

Each month passed by with friends growing more distant and the responsibility of my life falling square on my shoulders, a burden I was all too used to bear; My work ethic standing front and center while my pain and joy festered behind closed doors and between both of my ears.

The illusion of superiority fell away as the years piled on and only that work ethic remained, trying to sustain a sense of moving forward while my life is at a standstill or worse in everything I cared about or wished for. In those weeks I learned that wishes don't bring anything unless you are willing to make concessions to what may be required for it to come true.

What follows this new sort of finding myself, where I no longer let the momentum of my feet guide me, but rather look up and around and eventually have my sights set on where I would like to go, is a story that still has no end.

I am still finishing up college, job applications, and everything else that goes into preparing for the real world. This website is more or less one of many creative outlets during a time that I want a place to put things, a place to decorate, a place to call home when physical places no longer suffice.

-jeebilus

2025-08-07